and we're off.

Blogging makes me nervous. I've thought about blogging for over a year now and I've had this blog created for months but haven't written anything. I get blogger's block every time I think to write something. I feel this overwhelming pressure to write something deep and insightful and awesome. Because honestly, bloggers are just cool. Especially Christian ones who have a gift from God to see Him through such a unique lens.

The truth is, I like to think I'm cool in the way I see and experience God but I'm not. I'm incredibly ordinary, more than I like to give myself credit for. But my God is extraordinary. So in saying that (really to myself because I'm well aware that no one reads my blog at this point ha), I want to blog because I love writing and I miss it. I used to loooove writing in high school and younger. It just opens up a side of me that I can't access as clearly without it. And more than that, I want to blog (the word blog sounds so cheese to me sometimes) to the glory of God. I think the Gospel is in everything, that God has designed the entire universe to point to the person of Jesus. And I think I see Jesus through reading and writing. It's such a beautiful thing. And if you are someone other than me and you are reading my blog, I hope you realize this:

I'm a broken life, clinging to the promise of a Hope that is unshakeable in Jesus. I suck at being a Christian, I'm convinced more than the average Christian. It's been the hardest journey I've ever been a part of. In my nature, I'm a quitter. If you've ever run with me, you can totally attest to that. But for a reason beyond my understanding, God has chosen me to be a part of His family, a part of a race that He won't let me quit running. I'm fighting to run with patience the race He's set out for me, a patience that puts aside the temporary sufferings of this world for the joy of others that is in Jesus. I'm really bad at it but everyday (that's the vision anyway...) I want to grow in knowing Jesus' infinite love towards me. I can't conceptualize a love that expects nothing of me but gives me absolutely everything. But I'm understanding that more today than I was a week ago. So praise Jesus! He initiated a relationship with me and sustains it completely and I can't even fathom how to respond to that. So to recap, I'm a nobody but Jesus is a somebody. I pray that my life would never bring glory to myself (which is absolutely what my heart wants if I'm being honest) but that it would reflect ALL glory to the One and only One who deserves every last bit of it.